Say Love,

To the both of them, I gave up..
To "K" and "D"/


To "K";

I love you but I can say now, I totally gave up the thought about everything. Life seems to be so good for you. Loving your gf now.... You're not the "K" I know anymore....


To"D";

I love you too. I put my high hopes on you, because i thought we could.... But nahhh... everything came crashing down.... Knowing so much about you... Even if i don't ask. News about you is still coming to my ear. Seems like I can't get over you.... But oh well, I have decided since 6 may 2016. She told you said that I just wanna say hi, you said hi to me, you initiated the hi, I am happy. Though I feel that sarcasm in that Hi.... But at least.... We talked. On the other hand, I heard from her that you kept shaking your head. Whether if it's true or not.... I don't care. Because if you ever care, you would have shown me. But you didn't. But oh well, at least we did progress alittle...bit by bit..... You're going to the army soon...


Gradually, moving on from this 2 people in my life....bye to the past....

On the last week of internship, i realize some things i never thought would be.
On the date of 25 jan 2016, he announce to the whole world, he got attach to a girl.
My whole world came crashing down.
Yes, it's me that gave up the relationship, i dont regret. because i already have tolerated him for really 4 years plus. And i dont see the need to feel sad because he got a girlfriend already.
But i am always feeling the unfairness to me.

Life had been unfair to me isn't it?
All the guys are the same.
Even when i thought he wont.
He moved on, i feel happy.
but seeing him loving someone else, hurts.
He never understands me.
he said he grew up.
Should i feel happy because somehow i am the one suffer being with him, and there that girl goes happily with him because he said he've grown up. If he could grow up when we were back then, we won't end up this way, isn't it?
He dug his own grave, he was sad, he moved on, and here i am feeling devastated.
The sadness i've got, i couldn't imagine, because it's the same sadness, same tears i cried  all over for him and i still do..

On the other hand, i don't deny i do all kind of things to act happy, when im hurting emotionally, he is there happy with his new girl.

crying everynight, is it because i regretted?

Feeling low.

What did i do that he chose that.
What did i do to him,  our distance got further.
Am i the only one ,being this way.
What did i do
what did i do

I am afraid. So afraid.

I thought you would be that different, am i wrong or what.

信愛成癮(love addiction)

"A" i believe in fate.
"A"  told me about his past.
"A" may be a person doesn't know how to express via texting.
"A"


I choose to believe my dream will be true.
I choose to believe that guy in my dream is you.

I AM ONLY HUMAN.I HAVE FEELINGS. No matter if we play each other feelings, we just meet at the wrong time. if we are real, we will meet one day, that one day.AGAIN...

it's human nature, and you look back just thinking back of those good time memories and making no regrets in your life for that moment. That's something.

There may be a lot of shit happening in our life, but as long as we are allow that to come into our life, make us fall and learn and from there we pick ourselves up. YET I AM TELLING MYSELF NOW WHEN I COULDN'T STEP OUT OF THAT BUBBLE IM AFRAID TO STEP OUT TO.....


For my side of story, as long as i am able to see him "N" ....... i am happy. but i am hurting myself. i understand for the actions he had done and everything is in my brain, my memories that i want to keep and never forget. He may know a lot of people for the job he's working. but one sided love in my side though he knows that i like him ... you know? as usual, it is so simple to say i like you...he said that to me , should be sufficient... MEMORIES CREATED BY ME AND HIM, NO ONE KNOWS... HIS CHOICE TO TREAT ME, AND MY CHOICE TO TREAT HIM.... I AM NO ONE TO HIM, probably because people come and go in  our life, 


Maybe because me and N is just someone walking past in our both life and i thank him for the memories he gave to me and him... 

SAYINGS HAD BEEN GOING ROUND, LOVE IS BLIND. YES IT IS. SO BLINDED....

For a reason, i guess our life is so different because of you and me but we made the best memories by walking pass and leaving a mark behind to me or to you too PROBABLY. N... you may not see this and you may not understand and i am just someone not important to you... but i thank you for everything. those memories, though it will be normal for everyone working there, because my special feeling for you seems like it's only for me.. say that special feeling may be wrong that i feel that way..but i will miss you... Khun narak makmak, chan ruk khun,may not to the extend of love deeply, but i would like to say it out... chan kit theung khun makmak. I will. "N" 9 April 2014


" you asked me i request that song, yes." 
可惜没如果- for you 

December end 2014- January 2015 
April 6 2015- April 13 2015

because it was you all along.
No matter how people judge me on how i am now.
My life was never good. I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have anyone in my life.
I am not the she, that girl once you knew anymore.

The life i had been through after turning 21, December 2014 isn't a good month for me, for good, 2015 JAN wasn't a good month either. No one knows what i had been through, People know me thinks i'm gullible. People don't know me thinks i have a wild heart. No one knows what i had been through for being so stupid. that kind of stupidity, no one knows but myself. Getting myself into trouble, emotionally trouble. Things may not seems so complicated like what i'm thinking,


Why people seek attention?, Why people ... sigh.... HOW SCARY CAN A HUMAN BEING BE.

Emotionally hurt, broke down to a limit no one knows...

All i need is time to get back the life i need.

I'm so afraid to move forward, that life i used to have was a wild one, but why of all people, ME?

I always tell myself i have learnt, BUT I KNOW I DON'T LEARNT, from every single things that happened to me time and again, I NEVER LEARNT.

People that knows, tell me why silly? why dig a hole for yourself and dig deeper? you deserve it. LOL...

WHAT I DID TO DESERVE ALL THESE SHIT. HOW FOOLISH CAN I BE. HOW STUPID CAN I BE. WHY ME?, WHY....

such an emotional post i posted for 2015...


Im sorry for what i had done for myself.
Im sorry for hurting myself.
Im sorry to myself...
sorry.... :[

"I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, of who I am."
"It's sad not to be loved, but it's much sadder not being able to love."
"Love knows no boundaries."